Monday, April 9, 2012

the good and the bad in life...

You know what I just realized? I never finished my list of "favorite photography blogs" I had promised you all. I had every intention of working last week...even though it was the kids spring break and we headed out of town. I was convinced I would blog (and finish my taxes..ha!) during our relaxing vacation...and I didn't do either...but I did relax a little...well, as much as you can relax when you are on vacation with three kids and no husband...and a sweet Mom who came with us despite her strong desire to "stay at home". It was a true test of patience...and I think I failed. Most of my readers know the challenges we are facing with my Mom and her declining health...or should I say mental status. She forgets so much...and ask so many questions that I have just answered. If she were my child, I would have yelled at her for asking the same question over and over...but she is not my child...she is the person that always made everything better...the one that had all the answers and could do anything. And now...she is becoming like my child. It was sad to watch...but I am forever grateful that she came with us on this little trip. These are the memories I will cherish. I'm also embarrassed to admit how often I found myself getting irritated with her and wanting her to remember what we did an hour ago...or hoping she would remember that some of the family members that she constantly ask about had died over twenty years ago. Having to tell her over and over that they had passed away was heart breaking...I could see her embarrassment in asking..and then an hour later she would bring them up again...and wonder how they were doing..and if I ever hear from them on "space book". Yep...she calls it space book. 
Why am I here telling you this?
I feel like you are my friends I guess. The ones who will listen and not judge...but do you judge me? Don't we all "judge" each other? 
I think that's why so many of us keep everything inside...because of the fear of others finding out that our life isn't so perfect. 
The fear that someone will know that our child needs to take medication in order to get a good report at school that day.
The fear that someone will know that we don't always love our life...and that sometimes we don't even like our own children...that's a hard one to admit...and no one would ever say it...because what would others think? We all have the feelings of "how will I do this one more day without losing it" and then, thankfully, we wake up the next day and realize how lucky we really are.  But we feel ashamed of our feelings. Why? Probably because everyone you see looks happy and when you read their blogs or facebook status, they will tell you how completely fabulous their life's all wonderful and their kids are perfect and their husband is absolutely the best!
Really?? Let's be everybody really that perfect?
I think it's depressing to see the perfection and not see what's underneath it all. 
I wish we could all be honest about our lives and quite trying to make it all look so perfect. 
This is life...we have kids that might drive us crazy, or we might cry ourselves to sleep every night because we would do anything to have a child. We might be from somewhere we are ashamed of...we might not have had a fancy house growing up or have had parents who loved us...or we might be from a family where we were adored and it all felt perfect...and we know how lucky we are. But faking the perfection isn't the way to achieve the happy life. 
I think everyone being honest is the best way to achieve happiness in our life and in our work. 
I know it's incredibly hard not to compare yourself to other photographers out there...but be honest about who you are.


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